Time to armor up | 8alchemist8's Blog

February is at hand.  I hate this month.  It seems like all of the worst experiences in my life happen/have happened in February and my mood is faltering.  I've been feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable lately.  I've been finding myself slipping; confiding in others about my feelings, looking for company, feeling alienated and longing to be (:shiver, cringe:) held.  I find myself wishing for, longing for, love and companionship.  Enough. 

I know better.  Or, at least I SHOULD know better.  It is weakness emerging again, as it always does.  I keep drifting down this path that cannot be taken.  I cannot allow myself to need anyone.  That means it is time to delve into my tried and true bucket of compulsory self-actualization and mental reinforcement.  Here it goes:

I am a hardened machine.  I was created to interface with this world; a hostile pointless world filled with threats and obstacles.  I am a probe and observer, set apart.  This is not my world.  My world is better and until I get back to that, I must endure this life.  I am alone.  Nobody cares for me and I care for nobody.  I am not a rock.  I am not an island.  I am an armored sentinel.  Nothing gets in or out unless I allow it and I do not allow it.  I have a mission.  I have achieved objectives in the past and have reaped rewards and nobody had any part in it except me.  It will always be this way.  I must stay on mission.  I cannot allow my weaknesses to show.  No chinks in the armor.  I need for noone.

Love is a lie.
Hope is wishful thinking.
Faith is blind folly.

Stay strong and stay focused.